


earthling wormhole

by kqhwafellaz



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Child Neglect, I'm Sorry, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Mentions of a kid getting hit so, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad, alcoholic parent, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21684739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kqhwafellaz/pseuds/kqhwafellaz
Summary: And holy fuck, the guy sitting over there, he really looks like San.
Relationships: Choi San/Jeong Yunho
Comments: 24
Kudos: 113





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello! I'm back at it again with a new fic! this strays a lot from what I'm used to writing, and it touches some subjects at the beginning that might be a little heavy (and I'll make sure to warn you in the tags, PLEASE feel free to tell me if I ever miss any), so read with caution. 
> 
> I am terrible with both summaries and titles, or well... terrible in general, but I've got most of this written already and I figured posting it could give me the final push of motivation I need to finish it, so here I am! the beginning is kinda too sad, but I promise it becomes a lot more light in the future (probably after chapter 2), so I hope you can enjoy this! that being said please also keep in mind English is not my native! so if you find any mistakes or anything worded strangely feel free to let me know so I can correct it, thank you!

Yunho slumps against his desk in calculus class and prays for death. Beside him, Jongho chats animatedly about his new partner in music composition who's apparently a fucking genius or whatever, Yunho's glad he's finally making some damn friends besides himself, but he also doesn't understand how he can be so enthusiastic in the middle of a morning calculus class.

It's 8AM, Yunho's third semester as an astronautical engineering major having started not that long ago, and everything seems to suck but the fact that's Friday, except that kind of sucks too, because he's got an afternoon class on fucking Saturday, is that shit even legal? And if so, the bright side is that he still gets to sleep as much as he wants to, at least until 2pm hit.

"Did you drink your morning coffee today? You look half dead," Jongho comments, poking Yunho's cheek repeatedly. He kind of misses when Jongho and he weren’t so close, so he acted cold.

"No. Too early. No time," Yunho murmurs, the cheek that's not being constantly abused by Jongho pressed against the cold wood of his table, bless the classrooms with AC.

Jongho giggles, the motherfucker really _giggles_.

"You're about to spend a really hard time then," he sing songs, making Yunho roll his eyes so hard he might as well end up blind.

What a dick.

He turns his attention away from Jongho, who's still chatting away about god know what, and to the door, watching as people walk in. He takes reassurance in that none of them look better than he does, they all look exhausted and pissed and done with life, which is pretty much common in college, specially in classes this early.

Yunho's head snaps up as soon as he sees a mop of silver hair walk through the door, his shoulders go stiff and the hair at the back of his neck stands.

"Hyung? Are you okay?" Jongho asks, his voice but a distant and drown out sound as he's overwhelmed by confusion and slight panic.

Yunho follows the figure with his eyes, sees the boy sit down in a chair around the first rows, enough to his right that Yunho can still see the side of his face and fuck, _fuck_ , it really can't be.

Jongho follows his line of vision, and something must show on his face that instead of the usual _'hyung-nim, you're drooling_ ' he offers whenever Yunho stares a person for too long, he says, "Yunho hyung, are you okay? Do you know him? Did he do something to you?"

Fuck, does he?

He knows San, who was his friend while he was a kid, who helped him get through hard times, whom he loved and cherished like no other.

And _holy fuck_ , the guy sitting over there, he really looks like San.

  
  
  


☆

  
  
  


"Yunho, little man, we need to be strong, okay?" His father tells him, he's on his knees so he can be face to face with Yunho, his glasses hanging way too loose from the pocket of his long sleeve work shirt, and Yunho rushes to stretch an arm out and straighten them before they fall. His father doesn't even flinch at the action, "we need to be strong and everything will be okay, mommy will come home sooner than later."

It's a lie. Mommy won't come home.

He said the same about grandma, and grandma never came home, she was buried instead, in a hole next to a tree in the local graveyard, mommy and him take her new flowers each weekend, he guesses they probably won't do it anymore.

"Papa," Yunho says, placing his tiny hands at the sides of his father's face, his eyes are red as if he had been crying or hadn't slept in days, and his dark hair is a total mess, but he's still the same papa he knows so well, he can sense the warmth coming off his slightly ticklish face, and it's enough to comfort him, "mommy won't come home, right? Will it be like with Grandma?"

He shouldn't have said that, dumb dumb him for saying that, because now papa is crying.

The man pulls him into a tight hug, and cries over Yunho's shoulder, thick drops of hot tears soaking his shirt.

"We have to believe, Yunho," he says, voice broken and even deeper than how it usually is, "We have to believe mommy's gonna be okay, and maybe she will be."

Yunho nods eagerly, he'll believe, he'll believe as much as one can, he'll put his whole entire heart into believing mommy will get better so she can come back home, so they can play together again and take Grandma flowers, and tell her how mommy did come back home. He'll put his entire heart in believing so Papa doesn't cry anymore. He'll believe, and if he believes enough, if he wishes it with enough intensity, then maybe mommy will get better.

  
  
  


☆

  
  
  


Mommy doesn't get better right away, but he keeps believing.

He spends a lot of time in the hospital with grandpa, who takes him there after school. Mommy's sleeping most of the time, but he makes sure to take the toys she had said were her favorites before, so they can play together when she has enough energy. When she doesn't, Yunho tells her about his day, and if he's brave enough, attempts to read for her the books they both like the most, thought it's a bit hard, because he still stumbles over words a lot when reading, mommy says he's doing good though, she says that he needs to practice a bit more and he'll become the best reader in the world, so Yunho practices with her and when he's at home, so he can do better for her.

Papa becomes more and more busy as time passes by, and by Yunho's 6th birthday he barely sees him. He's sad and moody but he tries not to pout too much when grandpa takes him to the hospital so mommy can say happy birthday to him.

"Yunho, my baby," she says, the way her skin is so pale makes Yunho want to cry, she looks way more skinny than she used to be, but the smile on her face is still so beautiful, because mommy is an angel and she'd look beautiful no matter what, "you're so grown up now, such a big boy."

"Thank you Mommy," he says, leaning into her hand and pressing a kiss to her palm when she places it against his cheek.

He reads for her, and she praises him because he's doing pretty well, says how proud she feels of him, and Yunho reads with newfound fervor at the praises, while grandpa just grins at them.

It's then that it happens, mommy's first lapse.

One minute she's okay, and the next she's moving up and down, her eyes rolled back and the whole bed moving.

Yunho screams and calls for her, but his grandpa rushes to grab him before he can even touch her, and screams for the doctors to come.

Yunho cries nonstop for hours, he refuses to stop crying until they let him see his mom again. He needs to know she's fine, he needs to know it's not like with Grandma.

"Yunho, we really need to go," grandpa says in his soft voice, caressing his hair while Yunho continues to sniffle and sob.

Grandpa takes pity, and ask Yunho to stay sitting in the chair he is, in the middle of an empty waiting room, so he can go ask one of the nice nurses if they can give him one last birthday wish. Yunho continues to cry, unable to stop even if he wanted to.

"Why are you crying?" A small voice says next to him.

Yunho turns his head to look at a kid, around his age probably, sitting besides him. He has messy black hair, cute eyes, pretty moles scattered around his face, and is all alone, no parents at sight. Yunho was so busy crying he didn’t even notice when he sat there.

"My mommy" Yunho says, and he cries harder at the mental image of his mother writhing over the bed.

"I'm sorry," the boy says, offering his hand. Yunho gladly holds it. "I'm sorry your mommy's not okay."

Yunho doesn’t say anything, he just leans into the boy when the other hugs him and starts petting his hair.

The boy pushes him away to dab his tears away with the neck of Yunho's own shirt.

"There's no use crying, it won't solve anything," the boy says, now running the back of his hands over Yunho's cheeks.

"But I'm so sad!" Yunho whines, choking on the words.

"It's okay to be sad, but you have to be strong, do you think your grandpa feels better than you do?" The kid says then, rubbing a hand over Yunho's back.

And no, grandpa probably feels bad too, grandpa probably feels worse than he's letting show, and Yunho's just making it way more difficult for him.

"There you go," he says, still rubbing a hand over Yunho's back as his sobs start to quiet down.

"I'm sorry," Yunho whispers before he realizes, but it makes him see he'll have to apologize to grandpa too, later.

"It's okay, it's okay" the other reassures him in a gentle voice, "my name's San."

"My name… is Yunho," he answers, still cut down by erratic sobs.

"Yunho," grandpa calls just then, he's followed by a tall nurse who looks at him with sad eyes, "this nice noona will take us to see mommy for just a minute, okay? We have to go after, but you can see her before we leave."

Yunho nods eagerly and jumps off the chair, turning around to see San do the same.

"I'll go with you," he says, "I can hold you hand of you need it!"

Yunho almost cries out again, just because he's so thankful, but he holds it in because he has to be strong for grandpa.

They all walk into the room barely a minute later, the steady beeping of the funny machine mommy's connected to greeting them like an old friend.

"Just a few minutes, okay big boy?" The nurse says, looking down at him as he holds San's hand and nods, "I'm sorry this happened on your birthday."

"It's okay," he says, still shaking with tears and contained sobs, his cheeks are surely puffy just like his eyes, but he still shows a brave face for them to see, "thank you for letting me see mommy before leaving, you're really the best noona in the world."

The nurse looks at him with eyes so soft it's almost like they're melting, and Yunho marches to the bed bravely, hand strongly holding San's own as he gets into the chair that'll allow him to see his mother.

She has funny a mask over her face, her hair a little messy, so he pushes it out of her face with his free hand.

"Grandpa will take me home now, mommy," he says, leaning down to kiss her cheek quickly, "thank you for spending my birthday with me."

He jumps off the chair, and walks to grandpa without shedding even one more tear, holding his hand and pulling him out of the room.

Mommy will be okay after all, she will be fine if he keeps believing, so he never stops doing so.

  
  
  


☆

  
  
  


San gets on the car with him and grandpa, and Yunho gets really worried.

"You're coming with us? What about your parents?" Yunho asks him, looking at him with wide eyes in the dim light the streetlights they pass by.

"I don't know where they are, I don't remember," San says, his voice very serious, and Yunho can tell he's not lying. He frowns.

"But won't they miss you? How will you tell them where you are?" Yunho asks, getting more and more worried about San's parents getting worried.

"Yunho-ah? Who are you talking to back there?" Grandpa asks as he stops in a red light, turning around to take a look at the back seat.

"To San, grandpa!" Yunho says, pointing at his new friend, "he's been following us since we were at the hospital, held my hand when I was saying bye to mommy, didn't you see him?"

Grandpa grimaces, and he looks concerned, he looks _very_ concerned.

"I am worried too, grandpa," he says, nodding, "he says he doesn't remember his parents!"

"Yunho-ah, I think we should get home yes? Maybe get some sleep?" Grandpa questions, still grimacing.

Yunho nods, and to San he says, "you can sleep with me, my bed's big enough for both of us."

Grandpa drives them home and opens the door for Yunho to get down.

"Wait, wait!" Yunho exclamins before grandpa can shut the door, "you have to wait until San gets down!"

Grandpa frowns deep, but waits until San gets down and then a little more before hesitantly shutting the door.

Later on that night, after Yunho has showered and changed into his pajamas, laying down next to San in his Spider-man themed bed, he hears grandpa and dad talking.

_"He's got a new friend, met him at the hospital after his mother convulsed while he was reading."_ Grandpa says, voice low and hushed, Yunho focuses on it as San plays with the sleeves of his blue pajama.

_"Yes? How did he meet him?"_ Papa asks, voice so low that Yunho has to focus hard hear him.

_"When I left him alone at the waiting room to talk to a nurse, apparently they were holding hands while Yunho said goodbye."_ Grandpa says, he sounds really worried, it makes Yunho frown.

_"What do you mean apparently? Didn't you see him?"_ Papa asks again, this time sounding a little lost.

_"That's the thing, his friend is invisible,"_ Grandpa affirms, and Yunho turns quickly to look at San lying next to him, looking at him with big eyes and his face the shape of a question mark, _"I think he created an imaginary friend to help him cope with all of this, he lost his grandma a little ago, he's watching his mom go through this now, you're never home anymore, he needs someone to rely on, someone to keep him company."_

Yunho frowns even deeper, he stares at San and, just for good measure, places his hand over his cheek. It's soft, warm, and it feels very real to him.

"Are you imaginary?" Yunho whispers, squishing San's cheek lightly to make sure he's there, he can feel the bone under the soft flesh if he presses hard enough, imaginary things don't feel like that, do they?

"I don't know," San says, his voice is trembling and it sounds like he'll be the next one to cry, "all I know is that I am here, with you, because it made me sad to see you cry."

"It's okay, don't cry," Yunho says, mimicking San's earlier actions and petting his hair, "Do you think you can sleep just like this? Do you want me to read for you?"

There's a long pause, but eventually San nods, and Yunho jumps out of bed to get his favorite book. He plugs his little James P. Sullivan shaped night light and starts reading for San, the other laying down and looking up at him until his eyes fall shut on their own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter! this one is a little more heavy, and includes all of the sensitive topics in the tags so far, so I'd recommend you read it with caution if you get triggered by those things! also I barely proof read this, so I'm sorry if there are mistakes everywhere, please feel free to point them out!

San continues to keep Yunho company in whatever he does, now they know people can't see San, for some odd reason —and no, San is _not_ imaginary—, but Yunho always makes sure to let people know where he is, so they won't sit at his chair or get too close to him.

They find out they're both the same age, were born the same year with barely a few months in between, they have the same favorite ice cream flavour, the same favorite cartoon, and though San doesn't read as much as Yunho does, he still likes the books Yunho likes the most as well.

They become best friends. Yunho's father is not too pleased with that.

"Yunho hurry, let's go," Papa calls from down the stairs, they're going to the park today, and Yunho's bringing his toys to play in the sand with San.

They make it to the park near their house in a matter of minutes, and Yunho's father rushes to find a bank near the playground, close enough that he can look at Yunho while he plays.

"I'll be sitting here okay? You can go and play but don't get too far, make sure you can always see me and the way around," Papa says, handing him his toys to play with the sand.

"It's okay papa, I'll be making sand castles with San!" Yunho tells him, full of enthusiasm as San bounces in the heels of his feet excitedly.

His father grimaces, grabbing his arm before he can go.

"Yunho, what if San just… goes?" Papa asks, looking between Yunho and the space at his left. San's standing at his right.

"Why would he go first when we can go together?" Yunho questions, not understanding.

"No, little man, I mean…" Papa pauses, looking around, "back home, with his parents? You said he's your age right?"

"But Papa! San doesn't know where his parents are!" Yunho exclaims, looking at San as he starts to pout.

"I'm sure he'll find them if he tries to look for them, Yunho," papa answers, this time a lot more firm, like when he's scolding Yunho, "I think San should go, once and for all."

"But I don't have where to go," San whispers, his eyes full of tears.

"He says he doesn't have where to go, papa!" Yunho says, his hand flying to the back of San's neck when he hears his friend cry, not minding a bit about dropping all of his toys to the ground.

"Yunho, you really can't keep this up, San isn't real!" Papa whispers, voice a little too hard and sending tears straight to Yunho's eyes, but he blinks them away, he can't cry when San is crying too, he has to console his friend.

"He's real papa, he's here and he's my friend!" Yunho defends, guiding San so he sits on the bench and sitting beside him, "he's my friend and he's real! And you're making him sad!" 

They spend the rest of the time in the park sitting in uncomfortable silence, Yunho petting San's hair and helping him calm down. Papa doesn't say anything anymore until it's time to leave, and he even apologizes for making San cry once they're in the car, although it doesn't feel sincere.

☆

San stays home when Yunho needs to go to school, but he makes sure to go to the hospital with Yunho and grandpa every afternoon, he holds Yunho's hand when necessary, and tells him things that make mommy smile when Yunho repeats them for her.

Unlike Papa, mommy seems a lot more welcoming of San, tells him to sit on the bed because she knows the nurses won't see him, and therefore, won't scold him, and even tries to engage in conversations with him, still with Yunho as a mediator, appearing very upset she can't see San herself.

"How does San look like, baby?" She asks one afternoon, her voice weak, she recently got a new set of cables connected to her chest, covered by her hospital clothes right where they sink into her skin.

"He's got dark hair, like mine but longer, he's about as tall as me and his cheeks are so full!" Yunho exclaims, squishing his own cheeks as his mother giggles, in a extremely expressive way. He's happy that someone finally asks him about his new friend, "he's got dimples too, deep dimples in both cheeks when he smiles, his eyes are round and not too big but still pretty, and he laughs _so_ loudly! He sounds like the villains in the Lion King!"

"Oh really?" Mommy asks, smiling, "he sounds like a really cute boy."

"He is cute, Mommy!"

"I'm not cute!" San says from where he's sitting on the bed, his hand over mommy's.

"He said he's not cute, but that's a lie," Yunho tells her, shaking his head.

"You're probably very cute, San," mommy says, in the general direction of where San is sitting, "I'm very sorry I cannot see you."

Yunho sighs, looking at the door through which grandpa left to the bathroom a little ago before turning back to his mother.

"Papa says San isn't real," he blurts out, his tongue has been feeling heavy with the need to tell his mother, he always tells her everything, "grandpa think the same."

His mother looks at him with a soft smile on her lips, but doesn't say anything, so he continues.

"I hate that they say San isn't real, mommy, he's my friend and it makes him sad," Yunho affirms, pouting and reaching out to hold San's hand, the one that's not over mommy's, "He keeps me company and plays with me, and makes me feel better when I'm sad, just because they can't see him it doesn't mean he's not real."

Mommy lifts her hand, the one San had been holding, and places it on top of Yunho's own, smiling at him reassuringly.

"There are things some people can't understand, sweetie," she says, voice oh so soft despite her exhausted tone, "if he's real to you, then nothing can change that."

Right, because San is real to Yunho and that won't change, then it just means he is. If Yunho keeps believing, then San will keep being real.

And so, with all of his strength, he believes.

☆

Today they're visiting mommy again, Yunho's wearing the too-big sweater aunt Yaesul got him for his birthday, it's probably two sizes too big for him, she said it's because kids grow fast, but it doesn't matter because he loves it just like that. 

Yunho walks behind grandpa to the hospital room, San following suit, his hands gripping the other's sweater as they march like little soldiers.

"You can get in first okay? I have to talk with the nurse in the reception for a little," Grandpa tells him before opening the door, "what should you do if something happens?"

This is something they taught Yunho after the first time he saw his mother convulse, there's a button at the side of the bed for cases like those, and if he presses it then nurses and doctors will come and help.

"I press the red button," Yunho says, nodding so grandpa know he _knows_.

"Good boy," grandpa smiles, patting his head before opening the door for him and closing it right after him and San are inside.

Yunho walks towards the chair besides the bed and hurries to sit there, book gripped firmly between his hands.

"Hello Mommy," he greets, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"Yunho, baby" she says, opening her eyes to look up at him, she looks very pale and very tired, her chest rising and falling too slowly, her mask staining with fog every time she breathes, but she still smiles at him in the same way she always does, "I'm so happy to see you, love."

"And San too?" He asks, smiling and pointing to his friend.

"Yes baby," she chuckles, "and San… San?"

San smiles at her, big with his dimples showing, sitting on the bed beside her where he always does. It seems to amaze Yunho's mother for some reason, and she keeps alternating her eyes between the boy and her son, despite the clear difficulty it took for her to move her head.

"San?" She says again, looking at the boy sitting beside her with wide eyes.

San nods, mommy gasps.

"Mommy, Mommy!" Yunho all but screams, suddenly excited, "can you see him too?"

"Dimples," is all mommy says, starring in San’s direction.

"You can really see me?" San asks, eyes like little slits and smile wide.

She reaches up to touch his cheek, but gives up midway.

Grandpa walks in then, only sparing them a concerned look as Yunho tells him how mommy can see San, which has to mean something is wrong with him and papa because they can't.

It's such a good day, mommy seems very tired, but she still laughs at times (even if she starts coughing after) and even holds Yunho down in a hug before they leave. Grandpa can probably tell how absolutely delighted Yunho is, but the older man just smiles softly at him, reminds him mommy might come home soon.

Yunho believes, believes and believes, wishes it hard, so hard it has to happen, he believes with every little part of himself, he'll give away every toy he has, favorite or not, just to get his mother back.

☆

  
  


Mommy does not come home.

She never comes home.

It's just like with Grandma, all over again, Yunho's father dresses him in black while he holds back the tears, and Yunho pretends he doesn't notice. They go to a room full of people who are also dressed in black, they say how sorry they are, as if that's gonna bring mommy back, they tell him she's in a better place, as if that's gonna make Yunho feel any less sad over the fact that he just lost the person he loved the most in the entire universe, and will never see her again.

They bury mommy besides grandma, under the tree they used to sit at the feet of when they came to visit her, and Yunho can't help how hard he's crying. He wants to stop, because Papa and Grandpa are crying too, because he wants to be strong for them, because San is shaking besides him as they hold hands, but he can't, there's no way to stop the tears or the way everything feels so painful, people say things about mommy as they stand there, and each new word from a new relative or friend makes him cry even harder.

In the end, he receives a lot of hugs that don't make him feel any better, and he's crying so hard papa actually carries him to the car (which is something he hasn’t done in a long time, because Yunho likes to do things on his own) and sits him in the back seat, he asks if San has already gotten into the car before closing the door and making his way to the sit at the front.

The drive home is silent, only filled with Yunho's quiet sobs up until he passes out. He wakes up again in his room, his clothes still the same as he lays down on his bed, the covers draped over his body.

He looks around for a moment, searching around until his eyes fall on San sitting in his puff sofa.

"I didn't want to wake you up," San says, voice oh so soft as he stands up and walks to where Yunho is.

It's not long until Yunho is crying again, this time with San hugging him close, a hug that somehow does help him feel better.

San doesn't say anything, doesn't say he's sorry, doesn't say he'll miss mommy too, doesn't say anything about how amazing she was, he just holds Yunho close and lets him release all the sadness he can before drifting back to sleep. Somehow, that results to be more helpful than anything else was.

Believing was stupid.

☆

Since mommy left, Papa has been less and less at home, and most of the time when he comes back he smells bad, the strong scent emanating off him and sending Yunho away.

San looks scared of papa at those times, and Yunho would be lying if he said he doesn't feel that way, too. Specially when papa starts screaming and throwing things around for no apparent reason.

Specially when papa hits him, for no apparent reason.

Yunho cries quietly in his room, shaking out of fear and hiding his face on San's neck, who's shaking as well and probably as scared and Yunho himself.

It doesn't stop there.

Papa's almost never home now, and he leaves Yunho to take care of himself, so he lives off cereal and things he can put in the microwave, too scared to get near the kitchen, as mommy once told him how dangerous it was.

When Papa's home, though, he always smells bad and he's all about screaming, he says words that Yunho knows he can't repeat, tells Yunho things that make him cry, hits him until he can barely breathe.

Grandpa notices, but it's only after months, when he sees Yunho has belt marks over his legs. Yunho spits the truth, and grandpa tells him they should have a sleepover.

Yunho stays with grandpa for a week before papa shows at the door, Yunho is playing at the living room when he sees the man, and he stands up and runs like a lightning to the room he's using in grandpa's house.

They fight, he hears the screams, but he tunes them out, covering his ears and repeating parts of his favorite book to himself.

Throughout all of this, San's the only constant in his life, San who's always there to play with him so he won't feel alone, San who's always there to hug him when he gets nightmares about papa, San who is his best friend in the entire world.

When grandpa announces Yunho will be staying with him for good, the boy can't help but ask about his father. Grandpa says papa will visit every now and then, as he's so busy with work.

Papa visits twice, and then he never visits again.

Grandpa send Yunho with Aunt Yeseul to spend a week in the countryside short after, where Yunho spends his days surrounded by soft wind, nights under the starlight lit sky, always with San by his side to keep him company, make him laugh when he's feeling down again.

He spends the best week of his short life there, in that little house surrounded by the forest, laying down on the floor and tying colourful paper to the front of every fan, eating watermelon sliced in triangles and telling San how refreshing it feels.

Then he comes home, and there's another stone besides mommy and grandma.

Yunho looks up at grandpa, tear soaked eyes as he shakes, San hugging his back like a koala, _how could it be?_

Grandpa doesn't share any details, just holds Yunho close and tells him it's okay, like that'll make it be okay, like that will turn back time and give him grandma, mommy and Papa back.

"Let's take a nap," it's the first thing San says as soon as they're back home, he tugs at Yunho's little hand until they've settled in bed, and holds him so tight it feels like his bones will snap in half at any second. There's no one who knows how to make him feel better like San.

Before falling asleep, Yunho decides he won't believe anymore. It did him no good before, so he might as well just drop it entirely.

☆

San leaves as quickly as he came, and Yunho's already midway through 8 years old when it happens. On the morning he's there, and then in the afternoon when Yunho comes back, he's gone.

He cries, cries like he did when he lost mommy and Papa and grandma, desperate sobs as he tells grandpa that San is _gone_ , he's _nowhere_ in the house, he's not in the backyard either, he's just _gone_.

Grandpa keeps telling him it's okay, but it only makes Yunho mad because _no_ , it's _not_ okay, his best friend just disappeared without a trace, _how could that be okay?_

Grandpa takes him to see a doctor, but not one with needles or such, this doctor is nice, tells him to do drawings and talk about stuff.

A psychologist.

Doctor Suh says that it's normal that San is gone, and it took him too long to leave after Yunho's life got stabilized, but everyone takes a different amount of time to heal, and he's gone now because Yunho doesn't need him anymore.

But San wasn't imaginary, mommy could see him too, and it _wasn't okay_ that he was gone, he was Yunho's best friend, it wasn't okay at all.

It takes a lot of time and effort, but Yunho gets adapted to life without San, and he makes more friends at school to try and fill the empty spot that went vacant when his friend left —with no use, though, because no one was as good of a friend as San, no one was so funny to play with, no one was like him.


	3. Chapter 3

In an instant, it seems like all those years of therapy are going straight to hell.

Yunho knows better than he did back then.

He knows his grandmother was too old and his mother had a severe disease, he knows his father was so consumed by sadness after losing his mother and wife that he couldn't help but succumb to the alcohol, drowning in his misery even further as he lost Yunho too, thanks to his own doings, and drinking so much it lead to his imminent end.

He knows, for sure now, that San wasn't real too. But then...

"Hyung? Are you good?" Jongho's voice brings him back to this reality, where a grown up San is sitting across the room looking like he could fall asleep at any second.

"I don't… I…" Yunho babbles dumbly, not knowing how to push words out anymore.

He has to get up, he has to go to him, but what will he say? Will he sound crazy? He most likely will.

Before he can think of anything else, the teacher walks into the room and the class starts. Yunho should be paying attention, but he honestly couldn't care any less about calculous when San is sitting right there, looking as real as any of them.

In the end, Yunho doesn't talk to him, doesn't even approach him, because he's a coward and he fears scaring him off, and because he isn't sure what he's supposed to say.

A good night of sleep after an entire day of overthinking leads him to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't his San, maybe the guy doesn't even  _ look _ like San, but the upcoming anniversary of his father's death must've triggered something within him.

He believes it for a week, but then he sees the guy again in his calculus class and… how can that guy not be San when he looks so much like his childhood best friend?

The next few weeks are… surprisingly uneventful, aside from the fact that Yunho has been avoiding not-San, which isn’t so hard considering the campus is big enough for them to not meet very often —and when it happens, Yunho runs.

There’s one particular event over which Yunho feels the most embarrassed about; he had been waiting in line to get a coffee, his eyes only half open and his head bopping to the front every other minute, his body heavy with the exhaustion that came from pulling two all-nighters one after the other because all of his professors expected them to prioritize their classes.

“Hey, sorry, will you move?” A deep voice said from behind him, and only then Yunho noticed he had fallen asleep while standing.

He hurried to takes one step forwards before turning back to mutter an apology in the direction of the poor guy standing behind him, probably as desperate for some caffeine as he was. Then he almost choked, because not-San was the one standing behind him, looking as awake as one can be and nodding in Yunho’s direction to let him know it was okay.

Yunho panicked, he panicked  _ hard _ , and tried to convince himself that it was okay, he could wait, get his coffee and then leave… but every second that passed was too much, every minute that clocked by felt like a small eternity, and it was more than he could take.

So Yunho did what every coward in his place would’ve done: he set and alarm on his phone with a call ringtone and pretended someone needed him urgently. He muttered quiet  _ “I’ll be right there” _ s and  _ “please wait for me” _ s as he walked out of the café, face burning in embarrassment and heart beating hard against his rib cage.

After that day, though, he couldn't stop thinking about how not-San looked so much like… well, San. Though obviously looking older, he still had that  _ something _ that was just so inevitably  _ him _ , the small moles on his face were in the exact same places Yunho remembers them, his eyes the same soft and warm shade of brown.

He’s going crazy about this, he really is, there’s not a time of the day in which he isn’t thinking about San and  _ how the fuck _ can he be a real person, suddenly, after so many years.

“Focus your mind here,” Jongho scolds, interrupting his intrusive thoughts and pressing his pointer finger against Yunho’s notes set on the table, they’re in the library studying for the upcoming midterms.

Yunho’s trying, he really is, but he simply can’t get his mind off it, it just doesn’t make any sense, that a product of his imagination can grow up and become an actual person, eventually making his way again into Yunho’s life like that.

“You’re just distracting me with those little sounds you make when thinking, hyung,” Jongho complains next, not lifting his eyes off the book placed in front of him. 

Yunho sighs hard, there's no use, he just can't focus on anything at the moment and he's certain everyone sitting at their table is just pissed off at him. 

"I'll just leave now," he tells Jongho, reluctant to stay any longer whilst knowing that he's not gonna study at all, "I'm super distracted today."

"You've been for a while," Jongho says, he looks up at him, seemingly a bit concerned, but doesn't bother to ask yet again because he knows Yunho won't tell him about whatever's been making him feel uneasy, "it's pouring, so drive safe."

Yunho looks at the window placed at their right, far enough that he couldn't even hear the sound of the rain.

"I will," he assures the other, nodding as he walks out.

☆

  
  


Yunho will not drive safe, actually, he won't drive at all.

It's been 15 minutes since he left the library, but he's still in the parking lot because his damn car just won't work. He sighs in defeat, figuring the battery must be fucking with him, so he won’t be able to go home now.

He considers getting off the car to try see what's wrong, but he doesn't have an umbrella and will get soaked wet, a taxi would be the most reasonable answer, because he could just come for his car in the morning, and he'd totally call one had his phone not died an hour ago while he was still in the safe and warm space of the library.

While he considers what to do next, head on the clouds and door wide open, he doesn't notice a figure making its way to the car next to his own.

"Everything okay?" The person asks, voice deep and somehow familiar, and when Yunho lifts his eyes off his lap he's met with no other than not-San.

He stumbles over words, sounds getting stuck in his throat and coming out completely impossible to understand.

Not-San grimaces at him, like he's slightly worried. Yunho hides his shaking hands behind his back.

"It won't start, I don't have an umbrella to protect me while I check what's wrong and my phone doesn't have battery to call a taxi either," he finally answers, fast and clumsy.

"Oh, I see, you want me to check for you?" San asks, he lifts his umbrella more over his head to show Yunho he's being shielded from the rain that falls in thick drops.

"No, it's okay," Yunho hurries to say, waving his hand in front of him,  _ just go, just go, just go _ .

"It's no problem really, come on, open the hood," he prompts, walking until he's right in front of Yunho's car.

He'd feel impolite to decline help from someone who's being nothing but nice, his grandfather raised him better than that, but he's so… nervous, this person who looks exactly like San makes him nervous.

He decides that the quicker they're done the better, and opens the hood to let not-San check.

"Hmm, I think it's the battery," he says after a few minutes of silence, "I don't really have cables or anything to help you here, though."

"It's okay, you don't have to, thank you anyway!" Yunho tells him, expecting it to be the end of the conversation.

"I don't really have my phone with me either, if I bring it to the library I end up using it instead of studying," he says, as he comes back to stand in front of Yunho, "so I can't let you borrow it to call a taxi, but I can give you a ride if you want to."

Oh  _ fuck _ .

That's probably not a great idea, honestly, Yunho can almost picture himself panicking at being in the same car as not-San for 20 minutes… hell, he's panicking right now.

"That's not necessary, thank you," he declines politely, "my friend's inside, I'll wait until he's done and then maybe he'll give me a ride home."

" _ Maybe _ ?" San questions, voice curious and head tilting to a side.

"If I see him in time before he leaves," Yunho murmurs, embarrassed.

"It's raining pretty bad, and it's cold, I don't think you should risk having to stay here all night long just because," he states, "I can give you a ride, it's really not a bother."

Damn San, he's always been so kind and caring for others.

Oh wait, this is not Yunho's San, but he surely does fit the same personality, at least in that point.

"You really don't have to, though," Yunho tries again, "we don't even know each other."

"I know you," San says, fucking  _ giggles _ , his smile pretty and bright even in the dark night, "we've got calculus together! And we get our coffee in the same café, I know you're friends with Mingi, too, and he's my roommate now."

_ What the fuck? So that new roommate Mingi's been talking about has always been not-San? The same roommate I've been avoiding to meet because I've been too focused on  _ not-San _? _

"How do you know I'm friends with Mingi?" He questions, trying to get time and figure a way to get out of this one.

"You're in his lockscreen," not-San says, still smiling brightly.

"Oh, right, I am," Yunho answers, embarrassed.

"My name's San, by the way, Choi San," fuck, Yunho already knew that, but he had this strange and hidden hope that maybe he'd have a different name, and maybe that'd make him realize this wasn't his San, but what logical explanation can he come up with now to morph this situation into something made out by his mind?

"Uhh, Jeong Yunho," he answers rather dumbly, shaking the hand San had stretched out to him. Small and cold, due the weather.

"Come on," San prompts him, pointing at his car, "I'll give you a ride home, you can come back and see what's wrong with your car in the morning."

San shields Yunho from the rain as he moves out of his car, grabbing his things before locking it, and then getting into San's car. He just hopes this San isn't a serial killer, though he highly doubts it if he willingly admits he’s friends with Mingi.

The drive to Yunho's dorm is… quiet. He shares his address and then they don't talk anymore, he doesn't know what to say, and he figures San is pretty much in the same page, so they settle for allowing the heavy downpour to serve them as background sounds as they speed through the night —The radio isn’t working, everything sounding cut off by static.

"What was your major again?", San ask suddenly, startling Yunho.

"Uhhh, astronautical engineering," Yunho answers, feeling rather dumb.

"Wow, dude, that's so fucking cool!" San all but screams, suddenly pretty excited, "you're studying to built rockets and all that, right? That's so amazing! I study geology so I feel rather dumb now."

Yunho giggles softly, embarrassed.

"It's not as cool as it sounds, I'm just a nerd."

"Shut up! It's so very cool!" San says, high pitched voice resonating through the card, "you'll build spaceships and all that!"

"A rocket and and a spaceship aren't the same thing."

"To-may-to, to-mah-to."

"They're actually pretty different things though."

"And you'd know because you're studying to build them!"

Yunho laughs, this time a little louder, a little more real.

"Man, that's very cool, it automatically makes you like… my coolest friend," San says, cheerfully, squinting at the road like it's hard for him to see through the thick rain, water falling strong and unforgiving, "don't tell Hongjoong hyung though, it'll hurt his ego."

"We're friends?" Yunho asks, he hopes the awe, the silver of hope and slight desperation he hears in his own voice aren't noticeable for San.

"I mean if you're okay with that, you're friends with Mingi and I'm friends with Mingi so that kind of makes us like friends in law," he says, he's gotten good at making Yunho laugh.

"I guess you're right, yes," he says.

"Okay then, nice to be friends with you, Yunho," San says, smile so bright Yunho swears rain falters for a second before it keeps on falling, and he stretches a hand out to shake Yunho's own.

Yunho shakes his hand, which is a stupid thing to do, because it's raining too hard and the road is not only slippery but hard to look at, but he can't bring himself to care as he smiles wide at San who returns the gesture.

That is, at least, until they hear a horn.

Everything happens too fast for Yunho to process, he can only focus on the shriek of the tires against the wet pavement, his stomach feels like it's ready to push out the single energy bar he had while in the library as they spiral out of control over the road.

By the time they're done, Yunho doesn't even notice San’s crying, but his own breath is uneven and he’s definitely about to panic, his chest feels tight and he can't  _ fucking breathe _ .

"Yunho, wow, are you okay? I'm so sorry," he hears San say, he sounds out of breath himself, but Yunho can't see through his tightly shut eyes, "oh my god you're bleeding, does it hurt? I'm sorry, oh god, we have to go to the hospital!"

He's bleeding? Where's he bleeding through? He can't feel anything but the way he's trembling like a leaf, can barely hear what San is saying through the rush of blood against his ears.

San tries to turn the engineering on again and Yunho's hands fly to the steering wheel on their own, placing themselves over San's.

"Wait, wait!" Yunho all but screams, still shaking furiously, his head starting to throb, "wait," he says then, softly, "I'm sorry please don't turn the car on yet, please."

San slowly lowers his hands from the steering wheel, Yunho focuses on them instead of his face, counts with pain in his heart the drops that fall from San’s face to his lap.

"It's okay," San whispers softly, "it's okay let's take our time."

☆

  
  


Two days and a visit to the hospital later Yunho's okay. The only thing he got from the accident was a small cut on the side of his head because he got hit while swirling around, it's right where his hair meets his forehead, and it barely hurts anymore, what's better is that no one even notices with how his hair falls over it.

Yunho remembers the doctor telling them how lucky they were, specially given that there was no impact against a thing, so the airbag remained on its place, leaving San with nothing but some bruises.

Speaking of which, San is very sorry, he hasn't stopped saying how sorry he is since it happened, as if he could've stopped the rain that didn't let them see anything beyond a meter or two away, and while Yunho's honestly getting a little tired of telling him that it's okay, he also figures it must be very troubling for San, who had to see him bleeding and panicking after an accident that was, actually, very minor.

On Friday, San invites him to eat dinner together as a sorry —yet a-fucking-gain— but Yunho's doubting what to say.

He feels as if he's clinging to that last stage of awkwardness between new friends simply because, to him, they aren't new friends. He's known San his whole life, at least, the San that his psychologist was convinced was a product of his imagination to help him cope with the rather traumatic events he went through as a child.

He wonders what she would say if she saw San, in real life.

She'd probably deem Yunho completely nuts and tell him the boy with deep dimples and moles on his face is not, in fact, his friend San, and instead that his mind managed to twist the image of his imaginary friend San to fit this boy.

The thought makes him wonder if maybe that's really what happened.

He also wonders, because that's a thing he does a lot these days, what would Dr. Suh think of them having the exact same name —and that's something she'd probably call a detonating, but would she once Yunho told her he wasn't sure of it until weeks after first seeing him?

His phone cuts his train of thought, buzzing quietly against his thigh as he sits on the couch and stares at nothing, a long forgotten movie still service as background noise.

_ San, 3:45PM _

_ You're up for dinner tonight? _

Dammit, is he?

Can Yunho, who's considering himself to have a mind way more damaged than he thought, really handle to willingly spend time and eat dinner with someone he's somehow known since forever but doesn’t know him?

Can he really?

_ Yunho, 3:52PM _

_ Yeah sure, if that'll get you to _

_ stop apologizing every 5 minutes 😝 _

  
  
  
  


☆

  
  
  
  


The last thing Yunho expects is a fancy dinner. Really, he's not even dressed for it, but San —dressed somewhere between casual and elegant— drives them to a restaurant in some part of Gangnam. Everything around looks pretty fancy, and he suddenly feels extremely out of place.

"They have great food here, I come with my mom all the time when she's in Seoul," San gestures towards a restaurant in the other side of the road, they'd have to make an U turn to get there, which buys Yunho a few more minutes.

"I'm not dressed for it," he mumbles, feeling his cheeks heat up.

"It's okay," San giggles, "they don't have a dress code on Fridays."

That makes Yunho choke because  _ shit this place even follows a dress code. _

"And don't worry about paying, it's on me" San adds, quickly.

"No wait, I cannot make you spend your money on me," Yunho says firmly, shaking his head.

"It's okay, Yunho, don't worry about that!" San cheerfully states, turning and finally getting on the road that'll lead them to the restaurant,"you'll like the food, I promise."

"I'm not worried about  _ the food _ ," he softly scolds, suddenly feeling overly shy, "why can't we be normal college students and go to that one restaurant near the campus? They have  _ amazing _ burgers” — _ and surely way cheaper than anything they have here. _

San laughs, well naturally and loud, "I can afford this though, I promise."

Yunho's taken aback by that statement, but he refuses to dwell much on it.

"But I'd  _ really _ prefer the burgers, I was craving them, actually."

San hums, thinking of it for a second, and then speeds past the restaurant.

"I'm bringing you here some other day though, for real," he promises, making Yunho smirk at him.

"San, I'm not mad about what happened and you know it, you don't have to do any of this," Yunho scolds softly, shaking his head.

"I’m not doing it only for that though," San says, smiling at the road, “I also want to bring you because the food’s great and I’m sure we’d spend a good time together.”

Yunho’s taken aback by the tone of San’s voice, by his gentle smile.

"Fine," he sighs, unsure of what else to say, "just let’s go, I will even let you pay for my burger if you promise to  _ shut the fuck up _ about what happened."

San laughs, loud and genuine, so Yunho assumes he agrees.

  
  
  


☆

  
  
  


It takes Yunho two months and a half of hangouts to realize how much of a monumental fuck-up he is.

Like, really, he's a complete fuck-up.

During the past month, he's been going out with San more than he's ever gone out with anyone in his life, the chemistry between them flowing perfectly, and they've become quite close, which, well,  _ duh _ , they were best friends when kids.

Yunho looks at San, laying on the floor with his eyes closed —he had joined him and Jongho on their Thursday movies marathon, and managed to create a little nest on the floor with blankets for him and their youngest friend somewhere between the second and third film—, and realizes that, well,  _ not duh _ , this is not his San.

The man laying on his living room floor and fiercely debating with Jongho which Pokémon is the best is totally  _ not _ his San, he can't be, because San was a product of Yunho's imagination, a coping mechanism, a way to get away from his fucked up childhood.

Yes, they look alike, and yes, they have the same name, but he  _ cannot _ possibly be the same kid Yunho imagined, there's just no way.

Which leads to: Yunho is a fuck-up, because he's been projecting his San on this San, befriending this San because he reminds him of his San, getting close to this San because… because he's nice, fun to be around, but also because he's missed his own.

Yunho feels disgusting, like he's been using San in some way, he feels manipulative and controlling, even when he's none of those things, even when he didn't do any of that.

So, he makes a decision —one that feels quite stupid, in all honesty, but he's past the point to care— and cuts his ties with San.

Ignores his messages, his calls, goes back to avoiding him like the plague on the campus, and even skips his calculus class.

It works for two weeks, and then Mingi comes knocking at his door and tackles him into the floor as soon as he opens it.

"Why the fuck are you avoiding San?" He asks, as he manages to slam the door shut with his foot.

"Dude!?" Yunho screams in response, still on the floor under Mingi's weight, head hurting where it had thudded against the floor during the rough fall.

"Why are you avoiding San, Yunho?" Mingi demands, he sounds quite serious, slightly pissed, "he's sad as fuck and I can see the way he looks at you when you dash past him whenever you bump into him on hallways like you're fucking Sonic." 

"First off, could you get the hell off me?" Yunho demands, trying to push Mingi off while the other does his best to stay where he is.

"Not until you answer me," he says, insistently.

"Dude I'm not ignoring him, my skyrocket development class’ project is, like, next week, I have to focus on that," Yunho lies —well, not quite, his project _ is _ due next week, but he's had it done for a while now.

"Don't lie to me Yunho, I know you better than that," Mingi says, voice severe. Yunho feels ashamed of himself, wonders just why the hell is his friend acting so protective of someone he barely knows. "I might be your best friend but I will not let you act this way."

"What way? Why do you care so much?" Yunho asks, effectively getting Mingi off him and standing up, looking at him with a frown, "it's nothing, really."

"I don't think you realize the impact you've had," Mingi says, voice so serious and somber, it makes Yunho's stomach tremble in an unpleasant way. "San is really sad."

_ So am I _ , Yunho wants to say, but the thought is drowned out by the voice inside his head that's telling him how much of an awful fucking person he is.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm... very sorry I've been super blocked lately so here's this half assed chapter which i barely proof read heh

Yunho doesn't drink, he's never liked the sole  _ idea  _ of it, after seeing what it had done to his father. Now, that being said, he cannot deny the  _ "sole idea of it" _ becomes tempting after two weeks pass and he's still ignoring San  _ and  _ Mingi too, now.

Times have come, little unlucky moments despite Yunho's lucky guy reputation, in which he finds himself unable to avoid San, like during their calculous class, for example.

It breaks Yunho's heart, because the younger can barely look at him, barely lifts his head up enough to meet Yunho's chest, and he speaks so softly, almost like his voice is a permanent whisper, so different to the loud and cheerful San he's come to know, and it's really killing him to know he's the one who's done it. But Yunho isn't stupid, and he knows he's too fucked in the head to keep messing with this person, to pull him in deeper without him knowing what goes on inside Yunho's head, the faux memories of him engraved with an iron inside his head he can't seem to let go of, and he'd rather seclude himself away from everything and everyone before using San in that way.

So yeah, at times it gets tempting, and he does his best to hold it together, but he ends up too wrapped into his own head to be able to, and ends up accepting Seonghwa's invitation to a party one of his senior friends is throwing. He ends up accepting every cup put on his hand, ends up getting wasted until it's difficult to stand straight.

It all goes fantastic though, right until the point in which, Yunho doesn't know why —perhaps because he's _ actually _ a monumental fuck up after all—, he decides to call San.

_ Stupid, stupid Yunho _ .

"Hello?" San greets at the other side of the phone, not three beeps after Yunho pressed call, he sounds sleepy and disoriented, and Yunho can almost picture him picking up without even bothering to check who was bold enough to call him at two in the morning.

"Hello, San," he drags out in a funny tone, barely able to properly form words, "were you asleep?"

"Yunho?" He says, the way his voice goes up in pitch tells the taller that he had, in fact, not bothered enough to check who was calling.

"Yeah, it's me!" Yunho exclamins, excited that San hasn't forgotten about him, "listen, I'm just calling you to say I'm really sorry, like, I'm an asshole you know?"

San doesn't say anything, probably taken aback by the statement, or by the fact that Yunho is drunk, or by the fact that Yunho is calling him, or by everything all at once.

"Well," Yunho sing songs, when too long passes and San still says nothing, "I just wanted to say that okay? I'm hanging u-"

"Wait, wait!" San calls, almost frantic, "are you alone? Where are you?"

"Oh I'm on Seonghwa hyung's apartment complex," he says, looking around, "I'm sure my car has to be somewhere around here."

"You're going to  _ drive _ while you're  _ drunk _ ?" San asks, sounding utterly scandalized. His tone is so funny, Yunho can't help but giggle.

"How else am I gonna get home dummy?" Yunho asks, still giggling at how silly San is.

"I'm gonna pick you up," he says, firmly, "It's not a question, so sit there and wait for me."

"Ohhh, so  _ bossy. _ "

"Shut up," San says, Yunho can almost hear the upturn of his lips, and it is so unnerving, it feels so  _ familiar _ , after such a long time of avoiding him, that Yunho can't help the way his eyes begin to sting.

Luckily for him, San hangs up before he can say a thing, and he sits by the nearest sidewalk so he gets to calm down.

He doesn't understand —yet again— how much of a monumental fuck up he is until San is calling him to know where he is, and then parking in front of him, rolling his window down and signaling for Yunho to stand up and get in. 

It's in the bad lightning of the street, at 3AM while sitting on the passenger seat of San's car that Yunho looks at him and thinks two things:

First is, wow, San is pretty, even having just woken up,  _ especially _ , having just woken up, with his hair messy and his eyes sleep soft, his clothes wrinkled and his shoulders relaxed.

Second is, Yunho's missed him. He's missed him so much it's almost  _ crazy _ , and he's _ so, so _ sorry about ignoring him, that he can't help his eyes from stinging again.

"Wow, bro," San says, ten seconds into Yunho being sat next to him, "are you gonna cry now?"

"I'm sorry," is Yunho's eloquent answer, he does his best at blinking his tears away.

"Hey, it's okay, you're very drunk, I'll just take you home okay?" San speaks as if talking to a child, soft and paused.

Yunho makes a sound that he refused to acknowledge as the beginning of a sob.

"You're such a good person," he slurs together, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes, "I am a major idiot, I'm so,  _ so _ sorry, I've just missed you so much and it's been so long, I don't know how to handle it."

"Yunho, hey," San tries again, his hand is cold when he places it over Yunho's shoulder, "it's been like two weeks, not a decade."

" _ No _ , it's been literal  _ years  _ since we last saw each other, and I've missed you  _ so much _ but you don't remember it or me!" Yunho snaps, whisper-shouting and trembling.

San remains silent for too long, but his hand never leaves Yunho's shoulder.

"Okay, I think you really drank too much, I'm taking you home now," he says with a sigh, "Do you have your apartment keys?"

Yunho sticks his hand into the pocket of his jacket, but finds nothing, he checks the other pocket, and the ones in his pants, but still finds nothing. Odd, he could've  _ sworn _ he had his keys in the right pocket of his jacket.

"Is that even your jacket, Yunho?" San asks, exasperated.

Yunho looks down at himself, and a crazy fit of giggles leaves him when he realizes that  _ no _ , that's not his jacket, it's Seonghwa's.

" _ Oh _ , we did a clothes swap!" He says, pulling at the flaps of the jacket, "because we're the close in size!"

San looks like he's had too much of Drunk Yunho, rubbing his forehead with a hand while gripping the steering wheel hard enough to hurt with the other. Yunho giggles some more.

"I knew I had seen that jacket somewhere, I guess I'll have to go and find Seonghwa hyung to get your keys," he sighs, hand already on the handle.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Yunho frantically chants, "when I left, he and Wooyoung were making out, I don't think you want to walk in on something like that."

"Oh fuck," He sighs for the nth time, hitting his head back against the headrest, "You don't have a spare key?"

Yunho shakes his head, he gave Jongho that one for emergencies.

"Okay then, I'll just… take you home with me , I guess, and we can find Seonghwa hyung in the morning to get your keys," he reasons, starting the car and ruffling his hair. Later, under his breath, so low Yunho almost doesn't catch it, he says, "at least he grew some balls, he's been drooling over Wooyoung for  _ months _ , it was kind of sad."

Yunho crackles so hard his stomach ends up hurting.

☆

San's apartment is…well, the same apartment Yunho's been to a million times to visit Mingi, but it still looks slightly different because it's  _ clean _ .

"This place has never been so clean," Yunho comments as he allows San to help him in, so slurred he has a hard time understanding himself.

"Yeah, Mingi is a mess," San agrees, effort noticeable in his voice as he helps Yunho to walk down the hall, "You can stay in my room, okay big boy? I'll take the couch."

" _ No! _ ," Yunho all but screams, San places a hand over his mouth to stop him, but it only causes Yunho to laugh hysterically. "I will sleep on the couch, I can do that."

Yunho turns around in San's arms, trying to set himself free to walk back into the living room.

"Stop, Yunho stop," San commands, tugging back as Yunho tugs forwards, the taller can tell he's having a hard time just by the sound of his voice.

"Really, Sannie," Yunho keeps slurring, balances himself on the wall when he almost falls and giggles quietly before continuing, "I can do it! I don't want you to give your bed up."

"You're too drunk, come here," San pushes back, probably with his whole body, and Yunho stumbles and falls.

He's half on top of San, half on the floor now, and when he sits up to stand up, he ends up using San's stomach as a chair.

"I'm… so sorry," Yunho says, giggling as he tries to get up, using the wall as his support yet again.

San doesn't even say anything, probably totally done with Yunho, he just huffs tiredly and starts dragging Yunho to the room without another word. Once they're there, he sits Yunho on the bed and leaves, coming back a minute later with clothes on his hands.

"These are Mingi's, mine wouldn't fit you," he says, handing Yunho the clothes, “You’re lucky he sleeps like the dead, or your noisy ass would have woken him up.”

He coos, because San is cute and really, his clothes would look way too small on Yunho, but that just seems to bother the other.

"Shut up!," San says, noticeably all bark and no bite, "put that on and I'll bring water."

"Yes, mom." Yunho answers diligently, saluting like a soldier. He's too drunk to dodge the slap San directs at his shoulder.

When San leaves, Yunho goes through a fight with his clothes, the traitors tangling among themselves and refusing to peel away at the first try. He's gonna burn them all in the morning, he decides.

Two knocks at the door, and then, "Are you done?"

"Almost," Yunho says, though he isn't really sure if his voice is audible through the tangled mess of Mingi's shirt around his face.

He hears the door open, and hears San laugh before there are hands gripping at the undisciplined piece of clothing and fixing it.

"Thank you," Yunho says, "that was a hard task!"

San looks like he's about to burst out laughing, and for some reason it warms Yunho's heart.

"I bet it was," San agrees, fetching the glass of water he had set on the nightstand and handing it to Yunho, "drink."

The taller does and he's told, obediently downing the contents of the glass until it's empty.

"Well done," San praises, patting his head and taking the glass from his hand, Yunho feels incredibly proud of himself. "I will take this back to the kitchen, okay? You sleep."

San moves to leave, but Yunho stops him with a hand around his wrist.

" _ I _ will sleep on the couch," he says, firmly.

"I don't think you can even make it to the couch on your own," San answers, taunting.

"Don't sleep on the couch," Yunho says, sounding surprisingly sober even to his own ears, "your back will hurt."

"I cannot sleep at Mingi's, he kicks in his sleep," San tells him, shaking his head.

"Sleep here," Yunho says, patting the double bed, "there's enough space."

San rolls his eyes, but his fond smile gives him away.

"Okay, let me go put the glass away and I'll come and sleep here," San agrees, nodding his head.

"Promise," Yunho insists, not letting go of his wrist, "promise you'll come back and not sleep on the couch."

San rolls his eyes again, but his smile widens.

"I promise," he says, placing his free hand over his heart.

Yunho lets go of him then, and watches as San makes his way out of the door. He waits patiently sitting on the bed, counting the minutes for when he'll have to inevitably stand up and go persuade San to come to bed.

Except he doesn't have to, because San walks through the door not two minutes later, tugging Yunho until he's laying down and then positioning himself at the other side of the bed.

"Good night Yunho," he says, quietly.

"Good night," Yunho whispers, already falling asleep.

When Yunho wakes up, it's to San hugging him so tight he couldn't untangle himself from him even if he wanted.

But that's okay, because Yunho doesn't want to.

☆

"Yunho drunk was  _ hilarious _ ," Hongjoong says, sitting across the table and in Mingi's lap.

"There's a chair next to you, please, I'm trying to  _ eat _ ," Yunho says, throwing a fry at him. The motherfucker  _ catches it _ and puts it in his mouth.

"I can't believe he's the emotional drunk," Seonghwa adds, taking a sip from his smoothie, "I thought he'd be the happy drunk, but he really cried because my plants are well taken care of."

"Someone almost threw up over them, it made me sad!" Is all Yunho can say to defend himself.

"He literally made me sit on his lap and sang a baby song to me!" Wooyoung exclaims, looking offended, "Deadass used me as his teddy bear for like an hour!"

"Why are you so pressed? It's not my fault you're cute and tiny!" Yunho fires back, moving aside to avoid getting hit by the fork Wooyoung throws his way.

"However," MIngi quips, stealing a handful of fries from Yunho's plate, "it was hilarious."

"San had to take him to our apartment because the dumbass swapped jackets and didn't get his keys," Seonghwa tells them.

"I swapped with  _ you _ ."

"And he told me Yunho is really a mess," Seonghwa adds, as if Yunho hadn't said anything, "he said they even fell in the middle of the hall while he was trying to get him to bed."

Hongjoong and Wooyoung laugh while Yunho slams his forehead against the table, Seonghwa just shrugs, smile too smug as he takes a bite of his imminent high cholesterol and a sip of his type 2 diabetes. Yunho is going to  _ end  _ him one day.

"Whatever, you were the one getting  _ closer _ to Wooyoung," he quips back.

"Yes, and now he has a boyfriend, loser, what did you get out of making my roommate drag your ass around?" Mingi says, lifting an eyebrow at him.

Wooyoung laughs like a hyena as Yunho makes dying animal sounds.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you didn't find this absolutely terrible and that it seemed interesting enough that you want to continue reading! if you wanna yell at me about this you can do so both in [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kqhwafellaz) and [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/kqhwafellaz) !!!


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